


Hey Shady Baby I'm Hot (Like the Prodigal Son)

by Liziswritingagain



Category: Outer Banks (TV)
Genre: Bisexual JJ Maybank, Blowjobs, Canon-Typical Violence, Demisexual Topper Thornton, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff, Frottage, Hurt/Comfort, Lonely Topper, M/M, Medium Burn, Redeemed Topper Thornton, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Tactile JJ Maybank, Touch-starved Topper, Will be explicit in future, handjobs, is that a thing?, not as slow burn as I intended
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:07:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24692008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liziswritingagain/pseuds/Liziswritingagain
Summary: Topper just wants someone to love, and JJ just wants someone to love him.After The Phantom, Topper deals with the fallout from his decision to help Sarah and John B.  and forms a bond with JJ.
Relationships: JJ Maybank/Topper Thornton, JJ/Topper (Outer Banks), Pope/Kiara (mentioned)
Comments: 75
Kudos: 225





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Obviously I don't own anything. This is for fun. Please don't post anywhere else.  
> Title from Left Hand Free by Alt-J

xxxx

It had been two weeks since Topper’s world basically fell apart. His best friend was a possible murderer, if the rumors were true, and was whisked away to rehab after Ward posted his bail. Kelce followed suit into rehab, once his parents found out about Rafe, they had him drug tested and shipped out. Topper was lucky his parents took him for his word when he said he didn’t do drugs. But that was the actual truth now, he was only drinking. The rest of Topper’s friends abandoned him as well. Word got around that he had helped John B. and Sarah escape, as much as he denied it, no one believed him. This is what he got for trying to prove his love for Sarah. 

This was supposed to be his summer. It was supposed to be his and Sarah’s summer. Instead he was completely alone. His dad was away on business, his mom on some retreat, her parting words only disappointment in him, and none of his friends would speak to him. He felt invisible and unimportant. He buzzed his hair short and stopped shaving his face. He didn’t care about his clothes or his appearance anymore. He wondered if this is what depression felt like.

Topper had been holed up in his house for days. On this particular morning, he had heard it was best conditions for surfing. He hadn’t gone in what felt like ages. He was missing it, the feeling of adrenaline, the water crashing around him and the feeling on control when he mastered the wave, the feeling of freedom as he moved with the force of nature. He chose a secluded spot, not the best or ideal spot, but decent. It wasn’t as popular, so Topper was hoping that no one else would be there. As luck would have it, he saw only one solitary surfer, only distinguishing feature was blonde hair in the distance. He paddled out at a respectful distance and began riding the waves. Out of the corner of his eye he tracked the blonde surfer. Whoever he was, he was one of the best he’d seen. Topper respected that. They surfed for awhile until the other guy started heading to shore. 

Topper followed him. “Hey! You’re pretty good!” Topper shouted out the compliment.

The other surfer froze and visibly tensed up before turning. As Topper got closer he recognized the dimpled crooked grin of JJ Maybank. “Well shucks princess, you’re making me blush,” JJ dramatically raised his hands to cup his own cheeks.

Topper felt his hackles rise. “I was paying you a compliment. It was genuine.”

“Yeah, when you’d rather pay me to clean your shit.”

Topper huffed. “Seriously shut up. You know I’m nationally ranked. You’re as good as I am. You could compete.”

JJ snorted. “Not if I can’t pay the entrance fee.”

“You could get a sponsor. You have the look.” It was true, JJ looked like a natural born surfer, the lean line of his body would look nice in a wetsuit and his blonde hair, a little longer now and falling in his face.

“They looking for white trash?” JJ seemed amused.

“No, that’s not what I meant. You look…” Topper trailed off. He could feel his face flushing in embarrassment, though he wasn’t sure why. He hoped the beaming sun in their eyes would distract and that JJ didn’t notice.

JJ gave him a puzzled expression and then a look of clarity crossed his features. “Oh. Huh…” He mumbled softly before grinning. “Well, you’re pretty good Mr. Nationally ranked, I’ll give you that, but I’m still better.”

Topper raised an eyebrow. “Oh you’re a better surfer than me? You think so?”

“Yeah. C’mon. Nut up and prove it. Let’s get back out there,” JJ challenged him.

They paddled back out and started showing off, trying to one up the other. It started off harmless fun until JJ cut in front of Topper beating him to a wave and causing him to sputter under the water.

“Asshole! That’s bad etiquette!” Topper shouted when he breached the water.

JJ cackled and veered back. “Guess I have to go back to charm school.” JJ whipped around and knocked Topper off his board, sending him into the swell of the wave. Topper was slammed by the water, forced onto his back. He struggled to reach the surface and pushed toward the shore. After what felt like eternity, he finally breached the surface. 

“What the fuck man?” He cursed between coughing up salt water.

JJ paddled up next to him. “That’s payback for when you tried to drown John B.”

Topper sighed. “That was a stupid move on my part. I was drunk, not that it’s an excuse. I regret it.” Topper groaned. “That feels like an eternity ago. I feel like a completely different person. Saving John B. and Sarah from the cops didn’t redeem me?”

JJ’s mouth was set in a thin line. “I guess it’s a start.”

“Honestly, I’m over it all, the whole kook vs pogue thing. I don’t fucking care anymore. What does it matter really?” Topper blurted out. JJ was surprisingly silent for a moment. “Well whatever. It’s a small island. I’ll see you around.” He dragged his board out of the water and onto his JEEP and headed back to the seclusion of his home.

xxxx

The next time Topper left his house was two days later. He heard about a big kegger down by the boneyard via posting on other people’s social media, and decided to go. Almost as soon as he arrived, he realized it was a huge mistake. People stopped talking when they saw him and began whispering to each other, kooks and pogues alike. Topper raised his chin, determined not to turn and run away, no matter how much he wanted to. He grabbed a drink and wandered around. No one greeted him. People were actually turning their backs on him as he moved closer. He didn’t have the energy to call them out on it and walked through the crowd.

He spotted JJ’s blonde hair in the distance, he was gesticulating wildly as he spoke to Kiara and Pope. In between movements, he would casually touch his friends, on the shoulder, arm, hair or cheek. Topper found himself slightly jealous in that he had never had anyone in his life that would touch him so freely and be so affectionate. He had friends and a girlfriend, but always felt that he cared much more for them than they did for him. Looking at the pogues, he envied their closeness, their obvious loyalty to each other.

As he observed them, Kiara and Pope separated a bit from JJ and began kissing. JJ’s happy expression faltered. Was that evidence of some splintering in their friendship?

Topper watched as JJ moved from the embracing couple. Topper didn’t know why, but he grabbed some more drinks and followed JJ. It didn’t take him long to catch up as JJ had stopped to sit on some drift wood.

“Hey, want a drink?” he held one out.

JJ startled at the sound of his voice, then relaxed, resuming his usual demeanor. “Did you roofie it man? Intending to slip me a mickey?”

“What? Why would I…No,” Topper sputtered awkwardly. What was wrong with him? He didn’t get why he always felt like a floundering idiot around JJ. Maybe it was because JJ always had some retort ready and Topper felt like he was always searching for the right words.

JJ made a grabby hand gesture towards the drink. “Give it here. I’ll risk it.” JJ chugged his drink tilting his head back. There was something about the line of his throat that mesmerized Topper. JJ whooped as he finished his drink. He looked up at Topper. “Are you gonna just stand there?” He gestured to the wood around them. “There is plenty of room.”

Topper sat across from the other boy. He had wanted to follow him and now that he caught up, he wasn’t exactly sure why or what he should be saying or doing.   
They sat in silence for a few minutes.

“I was thinking about what you said at the beach, about kooks and pogues,” JJ started. “Did you really mean it?”

“Yeah.”

JJ dug into his pocket and revealed a joint. He lit it and took a drag exhaling a cloud of smoke. He leaned forward and reached toward Topper “A peace offering if you partake.”

“I was trying not to, but if it’s a peace offering I guess I shouldn’t say no,” Topper shut his mouth to stop the babbling that was starting to come out of his mouth, teeth clicking together with the force. He met JJ halfway and took the joint. “Fuck, that’s smooth,” he commented before passing back to JJ.

“Right? My cousin hooks me up with some excellent, primo shit.” JJ looked him up and down. “So, why are you hiding back here with me instead of playing king of the island out there?”

“Haven’t you heard? I’ve been dethroned.”

JJ snorted. “Yeah? Is that why you’re sporting the new look? What is it, hobo chic?”

“Aw thanks, you like it? You’re the only person who’s noticed,” Topper ran his hand over his hair and attempted to sound nonchalant, but that was very much the truth.

“Ehhhh. Not sure if it suits you,” JJ kept a straight face for a minute, then laughed, clapping a hand on Topper’s shoulder. “Naw, man. It makes you look less like a kook. Did you stop wearing the pretty pastels too?”

“Honestly, I don’t really give a shit what I look like right now.”

“Still working out though?” JJ’s hand slid from Topper’s shoulder to bicep. Topper was surprised by how warm JJ’s hand was. It felt so nice, Topper thought he must be pretty touch-starved to enjoy it.

“One must do something.”

“Oh yes, one must do something,” JJ repeated with an overly exaggerated posh accent. “Dude, so, I’ve always wondered what your kook house was like. Personal gym? Pool? Hot tub?” JJ waggled his eyebrows.

“Yes to all of that.”

“In the spirit of peace offering in the putting aside of the kook and pogue mentality, want to invite me to your house?” JJ was grinning so his dimples showed, somehow simultaneously giving puppy dog eyes.

“Yeah, what the hell,” Topper found himself answering. Well, it would be better than going back to that empty house. He felt lonely enough, he could use some company, even if it was from a past enemy.

“Seriously? I didn’t think it would be that easy,” JJ’s surprise was obvious. “So what convinced you? My good looks or my charming personality?”

“I’m due to provide some community service,” Topper attempted to joke. JJ’s expression dimmed slightly, so Topper back-tracked, not wanting to extinguish the tentative bond they were forming. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. Come on, let’s go.”

They climbed into Topper’s JEEP and he made his way to his home. Topper was surprised at how easily JJ followed him into his vehicle, especially after their past bad interactions. Topper took it to be a sign of trust.

“This is a sweet ride man. This thing is fucking loaded,” JJ was fiddling with the JEEP’s audio system. JJ stood up in the passenger seat to hang out of the open top of the JEEP.

“Be careful,” Topper warned.

JJ was laughing, but actually listened and tucked himself back into the confines of the vehicle. “We’re almost there right?”

“Yeah.” It wasn’t long before Topper pulled into the driveway.

“So you gonna give me the grand tour?”

Topper opened the door and let JJ in.

JJ looked around and whistled. “Wow, this place is fucking fancy. Do I need to take off my shoes? I feel like I need to take off my shoes.” He started toeing off his boots. He tossed them down, laces flopping out. “Ok, I'm ready.”

Topper walked him around the ground floor, JJ following with an almost overwhelmed expression on his face. “I can’t believe you live here man. This place is sick.”

“Come see the backyard. It’s my favorite spot.” The back was secluded with a privacy fence. That’s where the pool, hot tub, water feature, firepit, and outdoor bar were.

“Sweet hot tub. I mean, it doesn’t have disco lights, but it looks pretty good,” JJ commented.

“Disco lights?” Topper parroted, not sure what that meant. “You can try it out if you want.”

“Yeah!” JJ cocked his hips and started working on the fastening on his shorts.

“Whoa! Hey, there’s trunks in the pool house,” Topper felt his cheeks heating up, his eyes lingering on where JJ had his shorts resting precariously low on his hips. Was JJ going commando?

“No skinny dipping?” JJ waggled his eyebrows.

Topper fiddled with the hot tub’s settings, distracting himself. “No skinny dipping.” He went in the pool house and tossed JJ a pair of Blue patterned swim trunks. Topper spun around immediately because he had an idea that JJ would strip right there. Hearing fabric rustling let him know he was right. He went into the pool house bathroom to change into his trunks. When he came out, JJ was at the bar mixing up some drinks.

“What are you making?” Topper asked.

“It’s my own creation. It is perfection,” JJ came out behind the bar and Topper noticed he had large bruises on his ribs and stomach.

“Jesus! Who did you piss off?” Blurted out of Topper’s mouth.

“You know, my charm doesn’t work on everyone,” JJ sounded lighthearted, but Topper could see his expression was strained. “Try this.” He thrust the glass into Topper’s hand.

Topper took a tentative sip. It was strong, but the flavors blended well together. He hummed as he took another sip.

“Good right?” JJ beamed. “Let’s take these to the tub.” He hopped over the side and stretched back. 

Topper followed suit, sinking into the hot jetting water. He sighed as he relaxed into it, leaning back to look at the stars. It made him think of Sarah and how she described the North Star and a surge of sadness came over him. He missed her, even though he’d come to terms that she wasn’t really his. He downed his drink, blinking back tears, hoping that JJ didn’t notice.

“Broski! You really chugged that! Want another?”

“Please don’t call me that. It makes me…” Topper trailed off. He didn’t want to reveal that it made him embarrassed and ashamed because it reminded him of his past stupidity.

“Ok, I won’t then, princess.” JJ was grinning mischievously.

Topper couldn’t think of a good comeback, so instead he splashed water at JJ’s face. JJ sputtered and spit it out of his mouth, before retaliating. They continued retaliating splashes on each other until JJ laughed, “Isn’t this how a porno starts?”

Topper felt himself blushing, yet again and didn’t answer that. They hung out in the hot tub until their fingers started to get pruney. Topper directed JJ to the outdoor shower to rinse out and got them towels from the pool house and they padded into the house. 

“Do you want a change of clothes?”

“Dear God, anything that isn’t pastel,” JJ exclaimed as he followed Topper up the stairs to his room. “Shit, even your room is ridiculous.”

“Yeah, it is,” Topper tossed JJ a pair of grey sweatpants and a plain white t-shirt. Again JJ began to strip in front of him as if he didn’t care if Topper saw or not. Topper changed in his bathroom. When he came out, JJ was poking around his desk.

“Did you want to head home? Or watch a movie or something?” Topper offered.

“Movie! I’m still awake.”

They chose an action movie and sat next to each other on the couch. Topper wasn’t sure when it happened exactly, or who moved, but about halfway through the movie they were touching thigh to thigh. Topper could have moved away, but JJ was warm where they pressed together and he didn’t want to. Topper felt like his whole body was aware of where JJ was and the points they were in contact. He felt a gentle brush of skin against his hand as JJ’s pinkie touched his. Topper had a strange urge to press back, so he did, his pinkie hooking over JJ’s. JJ didn’t pull his hand away, and they just kind of sat that way together.

When the movie was over, Topper turned to JJ and noticed he had fallen asleep. He looked so peaceful, Topper didn’t have the heart to wake him up. He slowly extracted himself from the couch and lifted JJ so that he was lying on the couch. He spread a blanket over him and brushed his hair back from his face. The blonde strands were incredibly soft, he kind of wanted to keep petting his hair. Instead Topper pulled himself away and went upstairs to his own bed.

xxxx

When Topper woke the next morning, he felt antsy, remembering that JJ was downstairs on his couch. He didn’t know if the sober light of day would change JJ’s opinion of him and the fact that he had stayed over. Needing to expend some energy, Topper decided to cook a nice breakfast. He made some omelets, bacon, sausage and was working on making some waffles, when JJ came into the kitchen.

“That smells amazing. You cook dude? Like this for everyone who spends the night with you?” JJ threw a saucy wink in Topper’s direction.

Topper blushed, “I like to cook.” He really did. It was something he was actually good at and he liked providing for people he liked.

“Fuck, this is incredible,” JJ complimented with his mouth full of food. “I don’t know how anyone would leave after you cooked this. Feed me all the time.”

“I’m glad you like it,” Topper felt a bit more at ease with JJ continuing on as they were from last night. They ate breakfast, not really saying too much.

“What are you up to today?” Topper asked.

“Eh, probably just hanging with Kie and Pope,” JJ shrugged.

“Yeah, if you get bored, want my number?” Topper asked.

“Sure,” JJ grinned as he tapped Topper’s number into his phone. “I’ll get out of your hair. See ya’!” JJ reached over and ran his hand over the top of Topper’s head, ruffling his short hair. He bounded away and then Topper was left alone again. 

He hadn’t realized just how lonely he was until JJ’s company was gone.

xxxx (TBC)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Topper is introspective and he and JJ come to a truce

xxxx

Topper was bored. He had been fine being on his own since Sarah and John B. went missing, but having that little taste of socialization the night before had made him want interaction with another person. It could be anyone, even JJ Maybank. The fact that he even had the chance to talk with JJ like he did felt like the beginning of redemption. 

The events leading up to Sarah going away, choosing to leave him for John B., really opened his eyes. He examined himself and tried to come up with why Sarah would want someone else instead of him. Topper had always tried to be confident and seem self-assured. Even if he wasn’t feeling that way, he’d pretend he was. Being a little more self-aware, he saw how he was behaving, how he would go along with Rafe, even if he didn’t want to or actually agree. He regretted those situations where he didn’t argue and stand up for what he thought, like the incident with Rafe and Pope at the golf course. He hadn’t wanted to fight that day, he just wanted to have a fun day golfing. He could have done more to diffuse that situation, but he hadn’t. 

Topper wanted to change. He wanted to be his own person. He wanted to be a good person. The first step in that to him was to start treating people better. And who did he treat worse than the Pogues?

Topper had a lot of regrets in how he handled situations with the Pogues. With John B. the animosity came from being jealous over Sarah. The attraction and flirtation between them had been so obvious and Topper had just wanted to keep a hold of her. But the more he had struggled to maintain their relationship, the more she had wanted to escape it. It did hurt. It wasn’t the first time a girl had decided he wasn’t worth being with and that someone else was better. It hurt more with it being someone that he had viewed himself as better than. He hadn’t started with bad intentions, but he would get so angry and hurt, it would all boil over and things would get all out of hand. 

With JJ, Pope, and Kiara, the negative situations started from the splinter from his feelings about John B. Then it became retaliation, payback and trying to prove that he was better than them. It didn’t help that Rafe would egg him on and then everything would escalate. He did all that to prove himself to someone who turned out to not be a good friend and an actually terrible person.

Everything was so fucked up. Topper felt fucked up, but he wanted to fix it. He was going to try his best to fix himself.

Topper’s phone vibrated and brought him out of his introspection. He unlocked it.

JJ: Yo cool if I come over?

Topper tried not to seem too eager and actually waited five minutes before responding.

Topper: Yeah, it’s cool.

JJ: Good cause I’m in your backyard.

“What?” Topper laughed to himself. He should have expected that out of the other boy. If JJ wanted to go somewhere, it seemed like he would do it. It was a trait he admired about JJ. JJ always seemed so sure of himself and comfortable in his skin. He didn’t seem to care what people thought, he just did what he wanted. Topper admired that because he cared too much about what other people thought of him and he wished he didn’t.

He went to the back to see JJ knee deep in the water feature catching the koi fish with his hands. JJ’s trademark boots were on the ground with his socks. He was wearing a tank top with arm holes so low down the sides, the way he was bent over Topper could see one of his nipples.

“Jesus, what the fuck are you doing?” Topper asked.

“Oh hey…Dude! You didn’t tell me there were koi. I love these shits,” The fish in JJ’s grasp wriggled free and returned to the water with a splash, spattering his cargo shorts.

“Get out of there and you can feed them. They’ll let you pet them,” Topper suggested.

“Yeah? Sweet!” JJ clambered over the edge.

Topper handed him the fish food. JJ enthusiastically poured a bunch into the water. The fish, as expected all came to the surface. Reaching his hands in, JJ pet their sides. He looked so genuine in his excitement over a couple of fountain fish, it was pretty endearing. 

“I told everyone, if I ever went full Kook, I’d have a fountain with koi fish,” JJ confided.

“Is that your goal? To go full Kook?” That was actually a surprise. JJ especially seemed to wear the title Pogue like a badge of honor.

“Nah, not really. We talk about it, but you know, the chances of it ever happening…” JJ trailed off and then changed the topic, “Seeing the glory of your place in the light of day, this is a seriously sweet place. It’s like the ultimate hook up pad,” JJ commented.

As Topper was turning over a new leaf and trying to be honest, he replied, “I don’t really hook up.”

“What?” The expression on JJ’s face was comically shocked. “Really? No one and done? No macking? Man, I assumed you Kooks would get all the action!”

“I mean, I could, I just prefer to be in a relationship,” Topper prepared for a barrage of comments making fun of him, like he’d gotten from his friends before, or anytime he admitted that.

“Huh.” JJ paused and examined him for a minute. “This is like, shifting my worldview of you. I imagined you getting girls drunk and just…” JJ slapped his hands together.

“What? No way! Jesus, I respect women. I wouldn’t with a girl if she’s too drunk,” Topper was a little offended.

“You want to be prince charming and romantic and shit. Does that mean you’re a virgin?” JJ asked.

“No! I’ve had girlfriends. I mean, Sarah and I never, but previously,” Topper felt embarrassed. “Why are we talking about my sex life right now?”

“Why not? I’ll tell you about mine. Nothing serious, and I take it where I can get it,” JJ grinned.

“That just seems exhausting.”

JJ waggled his eyebrows, “Depending on how many people I’m hooking up with in one night, it can be.”

“Not…not that way. I meant like emotionally.”

“I don’t talk about my feelings with them. It’s just physical, no emotions involved.”

“I don’t think I could do that,” Topper replied truthfuly.

“Huh,” JJ examined him. “You’re a serial monogamist. I really wouldn’t have expected that honestly.”

“I guess I am. I just like having someone who I can say is mine. Being there for one person and having them be there for me.” Topper paused. “I can’t believe you thought I’d like, date-rape girls. You really have a low opinion of me.”

“Had,” it sounded like JJ whispered.

“What did you say?” Topper was surprised.

“Had. I had a low opinion of you,” JJ repeated, then paused, running his hand through his hair. “I mean, you still seem like you can be a douche sometimes and you wear way too many polo shirts. And pastels. Pastels suck man. But… I think we actually never really knew each other, right? We had these views we kind of created out of assuming things.”

“I agree with that.”

“So, this is like, the start of a beautiful friendship, right? Or at least not completely hating each other” JJ asked.

“Yeah, I think so,” Topper agreed.

“Good. So what’s for dinner?” JJ asked, a mischievous grin across his face.

“There’s a lasagna in the oven right now,” Topper answered.

“A Stouffers?” 

“No,” Topper mumbled, feeling strangely self-conscious.

JJ seemed to connect the dots. “You can cook lasagna too? Seriously dude, you’re gonna make a nice housewife for someone someday.”

Topper rolled his eyes. “Come on in, before I change my mind about sharing.”

JJ loped after him like an energetic puppy. “Mum’s the word. Your homemaker status is a secret that is safe with me. Especially if you feed me.”

xxxx

They ate dinner, with JJ dramatically praising Topper’s culinary skills. It made Topper feel proud and a weird feeling that he couldn’t quite describe or place. It was nice to cook for someone else. He had tried for Sarah a couple times and she seemed to think it was weird and had preferred going out together rather than staying in. In hindsight Topper wondered if that was because going out, there was chances of running into others, where staying in she had to focus on him.

“Can I use your shower?” JJ asked, bringing Topper out of his thoughts.

“Yeah, sure. Want to borrow some clothes too?” Topper tentatively offered. He didn’t want to offend, but JJ’s clothes always seemed a little sweat stained and dirty.

“Sure, why not?” JJ shrugged. 

They went up to Topper’s room, JJ stripping as he went across the threshold of the room, heading to the bathroom in boxers. Guess he wasn’t going commando after all. As JJ was in the shower, Topper contemplated what clothes to leave out for JJ. He was so tempted to leave a pastel polo shirt and striped chino shorts. Instead, he ended up deciding on a pair of mesh shorts and a tank top. He hooked them on the door handle and headed down to the den.

Topper was flipping though channels when JJ flopped over the top of the couch next to him. “Your shower is...” JJ kissed his fingertips and opened his hand with a flourish. “That water pressure dude, it’s perfection.”

“Uh, good you enjoyed, hopefully not too much.” The thought of JJ masturbating in his shower made him feel…he wasn’t really sure, but it made him want to wriggle in his seat.

JJ knocked his knee against Topper’s. “I was tempted, for sure, but I figured that wasn’t appropriate guest behavior.”

“I appreciate that, I won’t need to Clorox everything.”

“You should be honored to have…” Topper threw a pillow at JJ’s face to stop whatever was coming out of his mouth. “Hey!” JJ exclaimed and threw it back at him. “Now that’s not being a hospitable host.”

“Well, I didn’t really invite you. You did kind of just show up.”

JJ’s smile dimmed. “I can leave? If you want?”

“Nah…I didn’t….it’s fine. You don’t need to leave,” Topper reassured.

“Good, I wasn’t planning on it.”

“Okay,” Topper tapped his knee against JJ’s. JJ bumped his knee back. Then they pressed their legs against each other’s and stayed that way for the rest of the movie.

xxxx

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I don't know where this is coming from. I'm usually a slow updater, but then this happened. They did come to a truce kind of faster than I intended, but that is what ended up flowing. Thank you those who have left comments and kudos so far!


	3. Chapter 3

xxxx

When Topper was a child, he had trouble sharing his favorite toys. The ones that were ok, no problem, but his favorites were his and he didn’t want anyone else’s grubby little hands on them. In the instances where he was forced to share, he learned to convince the other child that the lesser toy was actually the one of high value. The other child would take that toy, and Topper would be content that he got his way. Unfortunately, that tactic worked with children and toys, but didn’t work with people and relationships. 

As Topper got older, he realized it wasn’t as easy to convince someone that they wanted something else, especially when it came to relationships. Topper liked to feel secure and in control with his romantic relationships. Past girlfriends had complained that he was possessive, but he didn’t see it that way. When he liked someone, he wanted to be with them, to learn more about them, to share things together, and to feel connected. He wanted his romantic partner to feel the same way. He hadn’t found that. He had thought he was close to finding that with Sarah, but then when the sparks of attraction had started between her and John B., it was done and over.

The criteria Topper had for a romantic partner, he thought, wasn’t that specific or all that picky. He wanted someone kind, that he could trust, that had interests and hobbies, but most importantly to him: someone that would be loyal. He didn’t have a physical type. When he was younger, he had gone along with his friends with commenting on who the hottest girls were, but he didn’t always agree. He could recognize when someone was considered conventionally attractive, but that didn’t necessarily make them sexually attractive to him. He had discovered that the personal and emotional connection he established with someone effected how he was attracted to them on a physical level.

Topper knew that the way he viewed sex and relationships wasn’t what was expected of him. He knew that people thought he should be banging every chick he could, but that just wasn’t him. He would hear his friends regale tales of one-night stands and he would smile and high-five, but internally he would shudder. He liked sex to be meaningful and to be with someone he cared about. Even thinking about trying to have a one-night stand was impossible for him. He needed to be emotionally invested.

He had been emotionally invested and was getting over Sarah. It hurt him a lot that she had decided to be with someone else. Even more so because he could feel that something was wrong, and he point blank asked her and she still denied it. It hurt that she didn’t have the decency to break up with him, to let him know that their relationship was over in her eyes. 

While he mourned the end if the relationship, he didn’t mourn for her. Everyone had said that Sarah and John B. were dead, but he hadn’t been able to grieve. He didn’t cry at the memorial that was held for them. It felt unreal. He couldn’t believe that they were dead. Part of him hoped that they had gotten away, that they were on some tropical island living out their happily-ever-after. He was ok with that. He could accept that. He would rather them be alive and happy together, than for them to have drowned in a storm.

As much as they hurt him, Topper could admit they didn’t deserve that. He hoped to see them again.

xxxx

As Topper was brushing his teeth that morning, he realized that something was missing from his vanity. It took him a minute to realize that one of his colognes, Eau the Noir by Bvlgari, was gone. It was his favorite scent. The label advertised it as having notes of black tea, tobacco, leather, wood bark and patchouli, which sounded like a strange combo, but to him smelled like a high-end automobile. It was subtle and musky and something about it he just liked. Sarah had hated that cologne, so he had switched to a more socially standard Christian Dior one. The Eau the Noir had been pushed to the back of the vanity, but he knew it had been there.

Did JJ take his cologne? He knew that JJ stole stuff. It was common knowledge, everyone knew.

He stormed downstairs ready to demand his cologne back or to search JJ’s belongings. JJ was sitting at the kitchen island having another cup of coffee from the Nespresso. JJ has it set to the latte function and seemed mesmerized by it. “This coffee is my heaven. This is ridiculous.” His dimples were showing with his smile and he was humming as he sipped the coffee.

Part of Topper wanted to order JJ to give his cologne back, but seeing JJ there, still so in awe of the everyday luxuries Topper took for granted, deflated the anger right out of him. In the grand scheme of things, it was just a bottle of cologne. He could easily buy more.

“Thanks for letting me crash,” JJ surprised him with the expression of gratitude.

“It’s a huge house. As long as my parents aren’t here, feel free,” Topper offered. It was nice to have the company.

“I’ll probably be taking you up on that,” JJ appeared a little sad with that answer.

Topper hesitated before asking, “Do you have a place to stay right now?” It felt a little awkward to ask that question. Yes, they had been getting along better, but it was more superficial bonding. They hadn’t gotten into anything super personal. And Topper could sense that there was a lot going on beneath JJ’s perpetually manic exterior.

“I’m inbetween homes at the moment,” JJ took on a posh accent, then reverted back to his normal tone. “I’ll see ya’ later?”

“Yeah, I’ll have dinner ready,” Topper answered.

“Ok, I’m off to the office. Have a good day sweetheart,” JJ joked.

Topper was going to reply but was interrupted by JJ suddenly cupping his jaw and smacking an exaggerated kiss to his cheek. JJ’s hand lingered against his skin, fingertips warm, the coolness of his rings a striking contrast. JJ lightly tapped Topper’s face before he bounded to the door, cackling laughter on his way out.

xxxx

JJ arrived around the same time as the previous day, this time Topper watched him hop over the privacy fence. Topper was in the pool, lazing on an inflatable raft. In the light of day, Topper felt strangely exposed in his swim trunks. When they surfed, Topper had worn a wetsuit and when they were in the hot tub, it was dark out with low visibility. He felt naked, even though he wasn’t. He resisted crossing his arms over his chest.

“You didn’t get my Martini ready after my long day?” JJ teased when he noticed Topper lounging there.

“Sorry honey, you didn’t let me know when you were leaving the office,” Topper replied as straight faced as he could.

JJ flopped on the chaise lounge closest to him. “What’s for dinner?”

“I was thinking about grilling up some rib eyes and mac n’ cheese?” Topper looked for JJ’s approval.

JJ grinned, “Man, you read my mind!”

“Perfect,” Topper lifted himself out off the pool. “I just want to rinse off and put clothes on,” he gestured towards his swimsuit.

“Clothing can be optional. Man, I knew you were jacked from when you’d beat us up, but dude!” JJ wolf-whistled at him.

Topper could feel his face reddening. He took pride in his body and his workouts. Knowing he was in decent shape and hearing JJ say it were apparently two drastically different things. It made him feel that weird wriggly feeling again.

“Feed the koi and then I’ll feed you,” Topper told him.

JJ saluted him. “On it!”

xxxx

After dinner, it was such a beautiful clear night they decided to have a fire in the firepit, have some drinks, and roast up some s’mores. They got the fire started and Topper added another log to the kindling and JJ set up marshmallows on roasting forks. 

“Do you think about Sarah and John B.? I miss them. Do you miss them?” JJ asked out of the blue.

“Sarah I do. I know she didn’t want to be with me, but I still care about her. John B…that’s a little more complicated. I was pissed at him for cheating with my girlfriend, but he’s not that bad. I know he really loves her.”

“Do you think they made it?” JJ spoke softly.

“I don’t know if I’m in the denial stage of grief, but yeah, I hope so.”

“Me too. Pope and Kie say that they would’ve reached out to us, but I don’t know. They don’t know what’s going on with the investigation. They might think there’s still a major manhunt for John B., when now he’s only wanted for questioning.”

“Yeah,” Topper paused before he found the courage to ask, “Do your friends know you’ve been hanging out with me?”

“Yep,” JJ popped the p and popped another marshmallow into his mouth.

“Wow really? What do they think about it?”

“Kie thinks it’s romantic that you helped John B. and Sarah get away. She thought it was a meaningful gesture that shows you have a soul and the capacity to change. Now Pope…Pope thinks I have a brain tumor or that I’ve lost my mind. He’s not as warmed to the idea.”

“It’s understandable. I’m glad they know. I wouldn’t want to be your dirty little secret,” Topper teased.

“Nah. I let them know you’ve reformed from full-fledged douche nozzle to mild douche baggery,” JJ smirked.

“That’s quite the glowing endorsement.”

JJ laughed. He chose that moment to sway closer to Topper and the fire. A log let out a pop and sparks flew, some scattering onto JJ’s clothing.

“Jesus! Be careful!” Topper helped bat out the sparks.

“I know, it’s a fire,” JJ sighed.

“I don’t want you to get hurt,” Topper admitted.

“Huh. It’s not that long ago I would’ve thought you wanted to hurt us Pogues.”

“I didn’t, not really,” Topper confessed. “I was hurt and angry and needed to take it out on someone, not that I should have. I know that’s fucked up. I’m trying to be better.”

“Yeah, I see that,” JJ commented in a serious tone of voice, more serious than Topper had ever heard him before.

“Yeah? That’s good, it means progress.”

“You aren’t so bad Topper Thornton,” JJ lightly replied.

“I don’t think you are either JJ Maybank.”

xxxx (TBC)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know where these daily updates are coming from, but I'm rolling with it until it stops. Thank you all for comments and kudos!


	4. Chapter 4

xxxx

Topper had a strained relationship at best with his family. On the outside, it looked ok, they provided him with money, opportunities, and any material possession that was considered desirable, but they neglected him on a personal and emotional level.

His father was always gone. He was told it was for “business,” but the extent of his absence made Topper suspect he had a mistress, another family, or some kind of secret life that was more riveting than being there with his family. Sometimes he’d come home for holidays. He used to show up for Topper’s birthday and shower him with gifts, while speaking on the phone in his hand and not even acknowledging Topper. After he missed Topper’s tenth birthday, that seemed to set a precedence for him missing everything. Every now and then he’d call to check in. The calls averaged about fifteen minutes and usually consisted of “How are you doing? You’re good? Stay good. Make things easier for your mother.” It was always on his father’s terms. Anytime Topper would try to call him, it consistently went to voicemail, so Topper didn’t even try anymore. It was sporadic and Topper learned not to anticipate the call and to not try to discuss any personal matters or feelings. Anytime any negative feeling was broached or anything more complicated than superficial small talk, his father would have to hang up because some important person was trying to reach him.

His mother was usually there. She had always had high expectations for him and a vision of the person he was supposed to be. He never met any of her goals, no matter how hard he tried. When he was young, he tried, he really did. She put him into all sorts of activities that a civilized young man should be involved in, including soccer, piano lessons, sailing clubs, horseback riding, golfing, community service projects, and more. Whatever she had planned for him, his end result was always a disappointment for her. He always fell short in some way, and she’d get this expression on her face that bordered on disgust. 

With this latest episode with Sarah and John B., she was so disgruntled by him that she left for a spa retreat. She didn’t leave without first telling him how his actions were completely incorrect, as well as giving him a lecture about staying out of undesirable people’s business. How could he have even thought to help a criminal? What had he been thinking? He clearly hadn’t been, in her opinion. Topper tried to explain to her, but she just looked like she couldn’t comprehend his reasoning at all. She had left, and Topper hadn’t heard much from her since. She sent a text, maybe a week previously letting him know she had extended her trip, that was it. Nothing but radio silence.

The only person in his family who ever seemed to actually care about him was his grandmother, his father’s mother. She was someone he looked up to. She didn’t act her age, was always going off on some adventure somewhere or doing something. She had to be the most cheerful and upbeat person he knew. She was the only person he could say truly loved him. It was with her that he learned to cook and bake. It was something that they did together, and she was proud of him for it. She would say that her culinary gift skipped a generation and Topper had been blessed with it. They had weekly phone calls and she had been the only one to say she even remotely understood what had happened with him, Sarah, and John B. 

“You listen to your heart Topper. You have a good one and it won’t steer you wrong if you are honest with yourself,” she had told him.

He was trying to do just that.

xxxx

That night, JJ was late coming over to Topper’s, not that they had agreed on a time, just the past couple nights had set a routine in motion that Topper looked forward to. He tried not to feel anxious over it, but he was waiting in the backyard, checking his phone and startling at every sound he heard, thinking it would be JJ crashing over the fence. He kept opening his text messages and starting to type and then stopping. He was trying hard not to be controlling and demandingly text “where are you?” He didn’t want to sound accusatory. He had no claim or right to JJ’s time.

He picked at his cuticles, a bad habit he’d had since he was young, passing his phone back and forth from hand to hand. On one of the passes, it buzzed.

JJ: Can I come in the front door?

Topper didn’t know what that meant. JJ had previously showed no qualms about hopping the fence. On a hunch, he went to the front of the house and opened the door. 

JJ was standing there, standing being a loosely accurate term. His weight was off balance, he was slumped to one side, when Topper took in his face, it was streaked with blood, a cut on his head, one on his lip and what looked like the start of a shiner.

“Hey honey, I’m home,” JJ said weakly, an almost hysterical sounding laugh coming out of his mouth.

“Fuck JJ! Come in,” Topper ushered him in and noticed JJ couldn’t put much weight on his left leg. As much as he was tempted to pull JJ inside with a bridal carry, he figured that wouldn’t be well received. “Lean on me, I can take your weight.”

They hobbled JJ into the downstairs guest bathroom. Topper assisted JJ in easing down to sit on the chair next to the vanity. He always thought it was a strange decorating choice to have a chair in a bathroom, who wants to hang out in a bathroom? But he was thankful for it now. He went into the closet for the first aid kit. First, he wet a washcloth with warm water and began to dab at JJ’s face. Until they were in the light, he hadn’t noticed tear tracks breaking through the mess on his cheeks. JJ wasn’t actively crying at the moment, but his affect was flat and nearly unresponsive. He allowed Topper to clean his face and then apply antiseptic ointment without any commentary.

Once his face was done, Topper told him, “We’re going to put some ice on that eye. You were limping, do you need ice on your ankle? Your knee? Are you hurt anywhere else?” On a guess from the past bruising he’d seen, “Do you need me to check your ribs?”

“It’s nothing that hasn’t happened before. I’ll survive,” His voice was level and soft. It got a little shaky at the end, telling Topper that JJ was holding back.

Topper now had a suspicion from the rumors he had heard, that these injuries were from JJ’s dad. JJ seemed to always have some kind of visible scrape or bruise on him, Topper had previously assumed it was from tussles with Kooks or the law, but now, looking deeper, Topper admitted differently. He didn’t know much about JJ’s dad, wouldn’t be able to pick him out of a police lineup, but knew he was on the no hire list in Figure Eight. It was said he was a thief, a gambler, an addict and a drunk. It wasn’t a far reach to add abusive to that list.

As much as Topper’s parents avoided him, they had never physically harmed him. He couldn’t imagine living with that fear.

“What do you need from me?” Topper asked. “What can I do to help?”

“Just let me stay for awhile,” JJ’s voice cracked. The façade he was holding together came crumbling down and he started to sob. “I just…I never know which one I’m gonna get. Am I gonna get the dad that says he l-loves me? Or the one that thinks I’m worthless. I’m so sick of him! I can’t…I can’t…” 

Topper got on his knees so the were eye level and laced his fingers through JJ’s. “I’m sorry you had to deal with that,” he whispered. “You’re safe now,” with his free hand he wiped the tears from JJ’s face as gently as he was capable of.

xxxx

Once Topper was able to calm JJ down, they relocated to the den. He got an icepack for JJ’s face and one for his ankle. They curled on the couch together, JJ tucked under his arm, his head resting in the crook of Topper’s neck and shoulder. Topper’s thumb idly traced the soft hairs on the back of JJ’s neck.

They had the tv on, but Topper knew that neither of them was really watching it. Topper was in his head, processing everything that happened. It was a lot. It said a lot that JJ came to him, that they were starting to develop a real bond, a genuine friendship. While it was a bad situation, it made Topper feel good in a strange way, that JJ trusted him with it. The fact that JJ was able to be vulnerable with him, it made him feel…he wasn’t sure what the right adjective was, but he knew it was positive. 

JJ broke the silence, “Thanks for being here,” he mumbled. “I really needed someone to be there and I didn’t have anywhere else to go,” he confessed.

“What about Pope or Kiara?” Topper asked. They were the obvious choices in JJ’s life.

JJ sighed. “Things have been so fucked up since John B. and Sarah went missing. Pope and Kie had that minefield to deal with at the start of their relationship. Things are settling down and Pope planned this romantic date for them tonight. I helped him set up HMS Pogue with lights and blankets, and Kie’s favorite food. He went all out for her. They’re going out to the marsh to spend the night together,” JJ paused before whispering, “I didn’t want to ruin it. They deserve to have something good and happy happen.”

Before he could think about it and reconsider, Topper instinctively pressed his lips to JJ’s temple. As soon as he realized he did it, he pulled his mouth away from JJ’s skin.

Where had that come from?

JJ didn’t seem concerned by the action and didn’t comment on it. He just snuggled closer and reached for Topper’s free hand. They held hands, JJ’s thumb trailing over the back of Topper’s hand in a light brushing motion.

They stayed that way until their eyes closed and they drifted off to sleep.

xxxx

They fell into their new routine the following days, JJ spending the day with Kie and Pope or running errands for Heyward. He’d come to Topper’s for dinner and they’d relax either by the fire, pool, or hot tub.

JJ’s injuries were healing, the bruise on his eye almost gone. Since that night, Topper had strived to keep things light and not serious. He figured JJ could use a break from any unnecessary unpleasantness. They’d been having a good time together. Topper liked having a friend again and would look forward to the evenings when they would spend time together,

This particular night was different. Topper was worried something happened. JJ was late again. He felt anxious and worried for JJ’s wellbeing, that something happened with his dad. He tried not to dwell, but shifted between pacing and biting his cuticles. He felt agitated and off balance.

A loud bang jolted him from his thoughts as JJ careened sloppily over the fence. He was unsteady, this time not from injuries, but from being clearly intoxicated.

“Heyyyyyy honey, I’m home,” he flopped on the chaise lounge next to Topper. Topper could smell the alcohol on him from there.

“Where were you?” Topper snapped. He bit his lip to stop from asking a barrage of accusatory questions.

“The boneyard. Didn’t you hear about the kegger? Thought you’d be there.”

JJ appeared confused and the honesty in his tone made Topper’s anger dissipate.

“I was worried about you,” Topper admitted.

JJ grinned. “About me? Aw shucks, that’s sweet. I was fine. Just getting tipsy and made out with some clueless Touron.”

“That’s all?” Topper felt a strange mix of annoyance and something that felt a lot like jealousy.

Why did JJ have to go to the boneyard? If he wanted to make out with someone, he could have just come home, and Topper would kiss on him.

The fuck? Where the fuck did that thought come from? 

JJ was babbling in the background, but Topper couldn’t hear it over the ringing in his ears. He wondered if this is what it felt like to be electrocuted. He couldn’t move, but he felt like his entire body was thrumming with some kind of energy.

“…It wasn’t even good. She was a terrible kisser…What’s with you? Dude, you look like you’re having a stroke.”

“Nothing,” Topper muttered. “I’m going to head to bed. Night.”

His internal crisis could wait for the morning.

xxxx (TBC)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter in less than 24 hours. Might be delay until the next one. This is my last day off for awhile, I have 12 hour work shifts the next few days and it's been crazy. I'll try to sneak one in. As always thanks for kudos and comments!


	5. Chapter 5

xxxx

So, Topper was having a minor freak out about his sexuality. He had nothing against people who identified as anything other than straight, he just never really thought he’d be among them.

He had always known he was more relationship oriented and that he needed a connection to feel sexual attraction, but he had always assumed it would only happen with females. He was secure enough to be able to acknowledge when a male was good looking, but he had never had the urge to kiss one of those males.

Last night he had wanted to kiss JJ. That was a startling realization for him. It had thrown him off balance, off kilter, just completely off his game.

Examining their relationship, they had been getting closer. Topper genuinely liked JJ as a person and had a desire to get to know him better. He thought that desire was strictly on getting to know his personality, he hadn’t thought it was a desire to get to know him physically.

JJ physically, Topper could admit, was attractive. From the tips of his sun-kissed hair to the toes of his boots, there was something to look at and admire. His eyes were a beautiful blue color and so expressive, especially when he was feeling mischievous. His smile and the dimple in his cheek that showed up when he was genuinely happy or amused. Topless JJ was nice to look at, miles of smooth skin…

Yeah, he really wanted to kiss him.

Fuck.

xxxx

That morning over breakfast, Topper was trying his best not to make it weird, but JJ picked up on it anyway. JJ really was more observant than people gave him credit for.

He gave Topper a confused expression, “Ok…what is up? You’re being a weirdo.”

“I’m not weird, you’re weird,” Topper lamely shot back.

“No, I’m being real here, something is up with you. Topper…” JJ touched his arm and Topper flinched away and backpedaled to make some space between them.

“No…I-I just didn’t sleep well last night. I must be tired.” It was a lame excuse and Topper could tell that JJ didn’t buy it.

“I’m gonna go,” JJ paused and stared at him for a minute, “We’re going to be at the boneyard again tonight. You should come with us. Come out and live a little,” he offered.

“I’ll think about it.”

JJ nodded and gave a sloppy salute before going on his way.

Yeah, that’s just what Topper needed, to see JJ make out with some chick at the boneyard. The thought was sarcastic, but then it triggered a lightbulb moment. Maybe that is what he needed to see, JJ all over someone else. 

That would help cure him of the desire to kiss JJ himself.

xxxx

Topper had never felt as apprehensive to go somewhere as he felt on his was to the boneyard. He didn’t want to deal with everyone’s stares and silence again. Most of all, he was still anxious about his shifting feelings for JJ. He’d been thinking about it all day.

Whenever he had been attracted to a girl, he’d ask them on a date. He couldn’t use that tactic with JJ. He was mortified just thinking about it. He’d probably get punched in the face for his trouble.

Walking through the boneyard, he spotted JJ, Pope, and Kiara by a small campfire. It felt like there was a huge lump in his throat and he kind of wanted to vomit as he approached.

JJ grinned when he saw him, “Hey! You came.”

“Yeah…Hey,” Topper gave a lame wave. 

“Oh, hey? Is that really all you have to say to us?” Pope started. 

Kiara put a hand on Pope’s forearm. “Pope…Hey Topper, want a drink?” she offered.

“Yeah, yeah sure. Thanks,” he accepted the beverage and took a huge gulp. He paused and then decided to chug the whole thing.

“Whoa dude, you can slow it down,” JJ leaned into his shoulder.

Pope was still glaring at him from across the circle they were sitting in.

“Look, I’m sorry I was a dick. I was being really stupid. I just got really crazy over Sarah and I just…I went overboard. I’m trying ok? I’m trying to be better,” Topper confessed to the group.

“Thank you for that honesty, Topper,” Kiara was the first to respond. She nudged Pope with her elbow.

“Yeah,” Pope muttered. “What she said.”

“Good, we’re all bonding,” JJ flung one arm around Pope, the other around Topper. “Hey, I’ll be right back. My cousin is over there. Don’t kill each other while I’m gone.” He bounded away.

Topper was left with Pope, Kiara, and awkward silence.

“I’m only gonna say this once, JJ isn’t the most mentally stable on his best days, but I think he’s lost his Goddamn mind deciding to be friends with you. But he’s my family and I respect his decisions. The first time you step outta line, you’re done. Got it?” Pope lectured Topper with a glare.

“I got it,” Topper answered.

“I have a little more faith in you. I don’t think you are out to hurt him,” Kiara chimed in.

“I’m not. Thanks Kiara.”

“You can call me Kie,” she replied.

JJ returned in time to hear that. “Oh good, everyone is actually bonding! My cousin gave me some good shit. Let’s go!”

They led Topper away from the crowd to a section of beach where fallen trees and driftwood piled into an almost enclosed semicircle. It gave the illusion of a little more privacy. They smoked together and drank. The three friends brought up stories and inside jokes that made Topper envious of their friendship. It wasn’t as awkward as he was expecting it to be. Kie and Pope were accepting him and he could be normal with JJ.

A little bit under the influence, he could totally be normal with JJ.

xxxx

They were out there hanging for a few hours. It was starting to head into the wee hours of the morning when they decided to part ways. Back at the house, Topper and JJ were lounging in the den, drinking water and unwinding from the night.

“That went better than expected. I wasn’t sure how it was gonna be to have you guys mingle. I say it was a success?” JJ asked.

“I’d say it was a start at least,” Topper commented.

“Well it was something good!”

JJ’s face was so close, and he looked so happy. Before Topper could process what exactly his body was doing, he closed the distance between them and pressed his mouth against JJ’s.

Oh fuck.

Topper pulled back, “Sorry, I shouldn’t have…I…” He had the urge to flee.

“Hey,” JJ grabbed hold of his arm and tugged him over. “Sit down.”

Topper did as he was told, and JJ swung his leg over Topper’s hips, straddling him, but not putting full contact onto Topper’s lap.

“What are you doing?” Topper was confused.

“You were gonna run away and you didn’t have to. Don’t have a gay panic freak out.”

“It was more of a consent freak out. I didn’t ask you if it was ok,” Topper admitted.

JJ smiled, “Topper, it’s fine. When I told you I take it where I can get it, I meant literally, I take it where I can get it. I’ve kissed guys before. And you…” JJ paused, “It’s ok with me that we kissed if it’s ok with you.”

“Ok,” was all Topper could think of saying.

“Ok.” JJ grinned before asking. “So, wanna make out?”

Yep. Absolutely.

As soon as JJ finished saying that, Topper’s mouth was on his again. He started with soft, gentle brushes of lips on lips. This helped him quell the shock of what was happening and remain in the moment instead of mentally flailing.

He felt suddenly completely sober and was hyperaware of everything that was happening.

This time he was more focused on what he was doing and more aware of JJ. He could appreciate the soft slide of their mouths, JJ’s warm breath on his face, the whine JJ made when Topper let his finger nails rake just softly against the nape of JJ’s neck, the humming moan JJ made when Topper grazed his teeth slightly against JJ’s lower lip.

“You’re way better at this than I thought you’d be,” JJ commented when they parted for air.

“You thought I’d be a bad kisser?” Topper didn’t know whether to be amused or offended.

JJ huffed, “Not bad, just, I figured you’d be a selfish kisser and not aware of the kissee. So, for your evaluation Mr. Thornton, you are a team player, detailed oriented, and definitely getting a raise.”

After the last comment, JJ lowered his hips against Topper’s lower stomach and his brain short circuited. JJ was hard and pressing against him. 

This was by far the hottest thing that had ever happened to him.

It made heat pool in his stomach and he just wanted to touch JJ everywhere. His hands slid down to JJ’s hips and he pressed them closer together. He trailed his lips down the side of JJ’s neck to the junction of his shoulder.

“You’re wearing my cologne?” Topper muttered against JJ’s throat.

“I’m not giving it back,” JJ rebutted.

Topper chuckled. “I don’t expect you to.”

“Good,” JJ leaned in and pressed their lips together again.

Topper could get lost doing this all night.

xxxx (TBC)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, this ended up going not so slow burn. My slow burn in the past used to be 20,000 words of meaningful looks and pining and this has barely broke 10,000. My muse was like a drunk person shoving 2 people together and going "kiss each other. You know you want to kissssss." I hope the pacing was ok. Thanks so much for reading and your support!


	6. Chapter 6

xxxx

When Topper woke the next morning, having JJ curled up in his bed next morning was proof that the night before actually happened. It had felt like a dream, but it was reality. Last night they had made out for a ridiculously long time, just kissing and a bit of gentle caresses. It didn’t go any further than a little PG action. 

It was the best thing that had ever happened to Topper. 

He felt a calmness that he had never felt before, a completeness having JJ next to him like this. He hoped that when JJ woke it wouldn’t unravel and leave him a single frayed thread.

JJ looked so peaceful next to him. The morning sun was shining on his hair making him glow. Topper carded his fingertips through those silky strands. He didn’t want to wake him up, but he couldn’t resist the temptation to touch. He didn’t want to interrupt that moment.

“You’re thinking too loud. Stop thinking so loud,” JJ groggily mumbled without opening his eyes.

“I’m thinking too loud?”

JJ’s eyes opened a crack, “Yeah, way too loud.” He was silent for a minute, just looking back at Topper. “You gonna make me breakfast?” He asked with a grin.

“Yeah. How do you feel about French toast?” 

“Perfect,” JJ unwrapped himself from the sheets. “I wanna shower.” He leaned over and pressed a short kiss to Topper’s mouth. “Breakfast better be ready when I’m done.”

The wide smile he gave Topper made him feel warm inside.

He totally loved JJ Maybank.

Topper froze at that thought. Fuck…He was in love with JJ Maybank.

xxxx

As he was making breakfast, Topper was completely distracted by his revelation of feelings. He knew he was getting attached to JJ, but this was fast, even for him. He knew that he had a tendency to get too involved too quickly, it had been a complaint with past girlfriends, but this was a new record for him. In a matter of a few weeks he had gone from hatred to indifference to friendship to love.

And he didn’t even know where JJ’s feelings were in all of this.

Yes, they had a pretty intimate make out session the night before, but as far as Topper was aware, JJ didn’t do serious and didn’t do relationships. For JJ, last night could have just been a standard night of fun for him.

Topper knew the only way to find out for sure was to talk to JJ, but the very thought of that conversation made Topper feel embarrassed by his feelings. If JJ was indifferent and he wasn’t, that would be so mortifying to admit. Topper didn’t know if he could take the rejection.

Basically, his options were to talk directly with JJ or not talk to him about it. Talking to JJ seemed to be out of the question, but Topper didn’t know how long he could keep his feelings to himself.

JJ startled him out of his thoughts as he entered the kitchen and began making a coffee. His hair was damp and slicked back off his forehead. It was already starting to flop down around his face as it was drying.

Topper set a plate of French toast in front of JJ.

JJ hummed, “This smells delicious,” he began shoveling it into his mouth, “It somehow tastes even better than it smells.”

“Good,” Topper felt proud to have made JJ happy.

JJ finished the meal quickly and went to head on his way. Before he left, he cupped Topper’s chin in his hand and pulled him close for a soft, gentle kiss. They parted and JJ moved to leave, but Topper didn’t want him to go just yet.

Topper reached out and grasped JJ’s arm. He didn’t want to respond too overzealously, but he couldn’t help drawing JJ back towards him and kissing him again, a slow slide of lips to lips. It was just as good in the light of day as it was during the dark of night.

When they parted, JJ’s mouth was redder and fuller. He licked his lips making them look moist and Topper wanted nothing more than to reel him in and repeat. Instead, he let go of JJ’s arm.

“See you later?” Topper asked, feeling unsure if their established routine was going to be affected by the events of the previous night.

“Yeah, I’ll be back,” and with a wave, JJ was out the door.

xxxx

Topper attempted to occupy himself during the day with anything besides thoughts of JJ. He didn’t want to get obsessive over him. He tried working out, reading, even cleaning the house, but nothing seemed to be working as a distraction. He kept thinking about JJ.

In a last ditch effort, he tried playing the piano. He had lessons since he was a young child, though he hadn’t played much in the past couple years. It was something that his mother had deemed important for him to learn, though she didn’t care for how he ended up developing as a player.

She had wanted him to strictly learn the classics, Beethoven, Chopin, Bach, Debussy, Liszt, etc. The old giants in the world of piano. He had tried, he tried so hard to play those pieces with feeling, but they never spoke to him. His teacher had noticed and introduced him to more contemporary piano composers like Arvo Part and Ludovico Einaudi that suited him better.

Ludovico Einaudi was his favorite composer, gorgeous flowing melodic lines evoking emotion and imagery inside of him. As his fingers began to drift over the keys, it was as if he had never stopped playing, muscle memory kicking in as his fingers trailed over the familiar notes of his favorite song ‘Divenire.’

He was reaching the final dramatic crescendo of the piece when JJ crashed through the room, causing him to lose his focus in the momentum of the song.

“Sorry, door was open. You play piano?” JJ seemed surprised.

“It was one of those Kook requirements, mandatory to learn,” Topper answered, feeling strangely self-conscious about it.

“You really play piano though. That was…I don’t think I’ve ever heard a piano sound like that in person,” JJ complimented. “Can you play more?”

Topper nodded and obliged, beginning the piece from the beginning. JJ sat on the bench next to him, seemingly transfixed, watching his hands. It was probably the most silent and still he had seen JJ ever be. Topper let the music cascade over them, trying convey, to evoke as much emotion as he could through the context of the composition. When it came to an end, Topper turned to JJ to see his response.

“That was…I never thought…You’re an onion Topper Thornton,” was what ended up coming out of JJ’s mouth.

“I’m an onion?”

“Yeah. You kinda’ stink and can make people cry, but you have multiple layers and when you’re prepared just right you’re delicious,” JJ elaborated.

“I mean, I’ve heard the onion metaphor before, but I don’t think quite like that,” Topper laughed. “I’m delicious?” 

“Yeah,” JJ whispered. For a second he looked like he might lean in and kiss him, but he didn’t. Instead he said, “I wanna go swimming. Come swim with me?”

xxxx

Topper followed JJ down to the backyard. Like the first night, JJ began to strip, but this time he didn’t stop. Topper’s mouth went dry as miles and miles of smooth skin was revealed to him. He’d seen JJ topless before, but never fully nude like this. JJ was gorgeous to look at and he was unashamed when his eyes met Topper’s gaze.

“Are ya’ coming in too?” JJ asked as he stepped into the pool.

Topper hesitated and then began to remove his clothes as well. Who was he to deny JJ what he wanted? He couldn’t. As he completed disrobing, boxers hitting the ground, JJ watched him with a heated gaze.

Topper entered the pool with a splash, and they circled around each other, silent just staring as if waiting for the other to react. Then JJ splashed him and they began to play a game of tag, or more so Topper chasing JJ around the pool. JJ was like a dolphin in the water, sleek and streamlined and gliding through effortlessly. He evaded Topper with a laugh and misdirection.

They continued roughhousing that way for awhile, until JJ seemed to tire of being chased. He led Topper to the steps at the shallow end of the pool and told him to sit with a gentle push. Topper complied and he had a lapful of JJ.

JJ leaned in and pressed his mouth to Topper’s. This wasn’t gentle and slow, this was needy with a slight frantic edge to his movements. JJ was pressing Topper down between his legs and their chests were sliding together in a slick and fluid motion from the water. Topper followed where JJ was leading him and trailed nipping kisses along JJ’s neck, scraping his teeth at the junction of his shoulder.

JJ arched into Topper’s touch making him feel bold. He slid his hands down JJ’s back and cupped his ass, grinding them close together. JJ moaned as his erection grazed Topper’s abs, Topper bit his lip as his own slid tantalizingly against JJ’s backside.

“Fuck that’s good,” JJ murmured. “What do you wanna do?”

“This is good…Can I…?” Topper couldn’t seem to form coherent thought much less verbalize it. 

He slipped his right hand from JJ’s ass to curl around JJ’s erection. This was it, this was the first time he’d touched another guy’s dick and it was so hot. JJ’s cock was, in Topper’s opinion, a nice length and width, the skin smooth, yet he could feel JJ’s need pulsing against his fingers. Experimentally, he began to stroke. The angle took a minute to get used to, the opposite of doing it to himself. JJ wasn’t complaining, he was moaning, his head tucked against Topper’s neck as he thrust into his hand. 

It was almost sensory overload, the water lapping against them, the friction as they moved against each other, it was overwhelming. Topper tightened his fist and sped up his hand. He was close to cumming, but wanted to make JJ reach his peak first. 

A few more strokes had JJ shuddering against him, Topper could almost feel JJ’s pleasure rippling to him, and he came as well. JJ slumped against Topper’s chest with sigh. They stayed that way for a few minutes until JJ spoke.

“Hope cum doesn’t clog up your pool filter,” he cackled with laughter.

Topper chuckled as well. “I hope not. I’ve never cum in this pool before.”

They uncurled themselves from their embrace and rinsed off in the outdoor shower. Topper let JJ borrow some clothes and they cuddled on the couch. Topper laced his fingers with JJ’s.

As long as JJ wanted to be close, Topper would take what he can get.

xxxx (TBC)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had some more ideas for this. I think I have an idea of where I want to take this. This is turning into a fluff-fest. Hope you like!


	7. Chapter 7

xxxx

It was time for Topper’s weekly call with his Grandmother. Deciding to talk to her about JJ was on his mind. He was a bit apprehensive as he didn’t know what her response would be. He had never indicated that he was anything other than straight and he had no idea what her views were concerning same-sex relationships. They’d never had a reason to discuss the topic before.

Sighing, he gathered up his courage and found her in his phone contacts and dialed. “Hi Grandma,” he greeted when she answered.

Immediately her tone brightened, “Topper, my sugarplum! How are you?” Her drawling southern belle accent always made him feel at ease.

“I’m ok Gram. Is it a good time to talk?” She was involved in so many activities, Topper didn’t want to interrupt her schedule.

“Absolutely! I don’t have anything going today until my seven o’clock line dancing class.”

“Are you the dance instructor?” he teased her.

“They wish I was!” She chuckled. “What’s new with you?”

“Well Gram…I wanted to talk to you about someone I like.”

“Oh! A crush after Sarah? I’d love to hear about the lucky lady!” She practically squealed in his ear.

“What if…” Topper swallowed nervously. “What if it’s a guy?”

The short pause after that revelation was almost excruciating.

“Oh sugarplum,” her voice was soft. “Well, I would say he must be a pretty special guy to catch your attention. Tell me about him.”

Topper breathed a sigh of relief. “His name is JJ and he’s not like me at all. He’s energetic, hilarious, impulsive, bold and courageous, and just…there’s this fragile part to him too and I just want to make him feel safe and protected.”

“How did you meet?”

“We’ve known each other for awhile, or more so we knew of each other. He’s from the Cut and works up at Figure Eight sometimes. We didn’t really get along at first, but we’ve gotten to know each other better and I think…we kind of work together.”

“The way you talk, you sound like you love him,” she stated knowingly. “Does he know you love him?”

“I haven’t told him,” Topper paused, not knowing how much was ok to reveal. “We kissed and…stuff.”

“Oh. So, he likes you back,” she stated, it sounded like she was smiling.

“I don’t know Gram. He’s not known for being serious or doing relationships. It could be just casual for him.”

“You’re scared to ask,” she deduced.

“Yeah,” he whispered.

“Topper, you are a catch and if he doesn’t say yes, it’s his loss. I know it’ll hurt if he says no, but you’ll never know until you try. I think you should talk it out with your boy.”

“Thanks Gram. I’m trying to get there. It’s a new thing for me.”

“Be brave. I always tell you to follow your heart. You’ll get there,” she reassured.

“I love you Gram,” he told her, his voice heavy with emotion.

“I love you more, sugarplum. Want me to swing down for a visit soon?”

“Yeah, yeah I’d like that a lot.”

After they said their goodbyes, Topper texted her a picture of JJ. It was a candid he snuck without JJ knowing. He’d been feeding the koi, sitting on the edge of the water feature. He’d been smiling with dimples, the sun shining on his hair and he looked so gorgeous, Topper had stealthily captured the moment for him to keep for himself.

Gram: What a cutie!

Topper sent back the blushing emoji and couldn’t help grinning to himself.

His Grandmother’s approval meant the world to him.

xxxx

When JJ returned, he bounded up to Topper and planted a firm kiss to his lips. Topper enjoyed the sensation, but recoiled at the pungent scent following JJ.

“Ugh, you smell like dead fish,” Topper wrinkled his nose in distaste.

“That’s probably because I was catching and skinning fish all day.” JJ pressed his hands towards Topper’s face with a cackle of laughter.

“That’s disgusting!”

“Yeah, wanna shower with me and scrub me nice and clean?” JJ waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Oh absolutely. It didn’t matter that JJ smelled now if they could be naked under the water together.

“Yes…Let’s…yes,” Topper turned and began stripping as he headed up the stairs.

“You’re pretty eager,” JJ chuckled as he followed him up.

The finished removing their clothes and crashed into the shower together, Topper turning on the water. They kissed and kissed under the spray, Topper running his hands through JJ’s long hair and slicking it back from his face, one hand on his cheek, the other curled around the back of JJ’s neck. Their chests pressed and slid against each other as they moved, arching into each other. Topper tugged JJ’s hair, pulling his head back and kissing down the line of his throat, slipping his hands down to JJ’s hips. 

Topper stepped back a stride and said, “Don’t make fun of me, I haven’t done this before.”

“What..?” JJ started hoarsely looking at him through half lidded eyes.

In a fluid motion, Topper sunk to his knees and pressed his thumbs into the crease of JJ’s hips.

“Oh fuck, I’m not gonna say shit. You’re gonna do so good, I know it.” JJ rubbed a hand softly over Topper’s hair.

Topper started with semi- familiar ground, palming JJ’s erection. He gave himself a silent pep talk before closing the distance and putting his mouth just over the head of JJ’s cock. It wasn’t quite what he was expecting, the skin was smooth, the taste a bit bitter, but it wasn’t a bad feeling to have JJ in his mouth. He slid off and then took a breath before attempting to put the bulk of him into his mouth. Recalling what he himself liked, Topper tried to duplicate those memories in reverse. 

It seemed to be effective. JJ was moaning and stroking his hair and face and complimenting him, “You do such a good job. Look at you, fuck, press me against the wall.”

Topper did as JJ instructed and backed JJ against the wall of the shower and pushed his hands against JJ’s hips holding him in place while he sucked and bobbed over JJ’s dick. It took him a little bit to get the hang of it, his jaw feeling sore and tense, but JJ’s reaction was completely worth any discomfort.

JJ was staring down at him, watching his every move and something about that was so hot. He liked making JJ come apart under his hands and mouth. It made him feel in control and powerful.

It didn’t take as long as he thought it would, for JJ to warn him to pull off, JJ coming against Topper’s chest with a long drawn out moan.

They slumped down in the shower, sitting on the floor together, spray beating down their backs.

“That was really fucking good,” JJ told him.

“Yeah? It was good for me too.”

“Yeah?” JJ grinned, “want me to…” He made an obscene motion.

Topper felt himself flushing as he admitted, “I already…when I was doing you…it was hot!” He sputtered out as JJ’s expression became incredulous. 

“You came while sucking me off?” JJ had a smirk on his face.

“Don’t get cockier,” Topper pushed his shoulder.

JJ leaned into Topper’s space and kissed him. “Let’s dry off. I wanna cuddle and watch tv.”

“Okay,” Topper agreed.

Having their bodies entwined and tucked together was the favorite place he liked to be.

xxxx

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. Not to break the fourth wall too much, but I've been working 12 hour workdays and then on my day off, I was forced into a situation where I needed to call the police and CPS for the welfare of a child. It triggered some shit from my childhood and I have not been in a positive headspace to write. I like my writing to be fun and happy. I'm trying. This was a short one, but hopefully lives up to expectations. Thank you for the comments and kudos!

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written fanfiction in years, being a reader/lurker in fandoms. I am surprised that not too many people have seen the potential of this pairing and decided to write a story. The first chapter poured out of me in one sitting. I hope it's not too OOC. I decided to write from Topper's POV because I felt like I could create a better voice. I didn't think I could do JJ's justice. Hope you like it so far!


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